U.S. Administration Supports Ham Radio Homebrew

 

In a decision that puzzled many analysts, the Federal Communications Commission has come out with a new policy that seems to support the at home construction ("homebrew") of amateur radio equipment.  The commission outlined a series of new requirements (see below) that, collectively, seem intended to breathe new life into what many considered a dying art.  

Commission spokesman Brian Cox tied the move to recent efforts by the Administration to bring industry back to the United States:  "For too long we have stood by and watched foreign manufacturers take larger and larger portions of the electronics market in the United States.  Part of this seems to be the unwillingness of many Americans to do what their grandfathers did and actually build their own electronic equipment. These steps are intended to help reverse that trend." Greene's comments may have been undercut by the fact that they were sent from his FCC-provided Iphone (which allegedly was not homebrewed in the USA) and then disseminated via Tik-Tok.  

Sources in the Administration also point to recent tariff moves by the government that will have the effect of removing the incentive of cheap foreign-made equipment.  "Just wait until those 1000 percent tariffs kick in.  You can almost feel those soldering irons warming up!" 

Collectively, this initiative seems tied to the political effort known as MAGA.  An anonymous White House spokesman explained: "First there was MAGA (calling for a return to GREATNESS).  Then came MAHA (HEALTH!).  Now we see MASA:  MAKE AMERICA SOLDER AGAIN.  We think this will be a real winner.  There will be so much winning, American hams will soon get tired of winning."  

The emphasis, a spokesman explained, will be on DOMESTIC production of radio equipment.  "We see the Michigan Mighty Mite as a good example.  I mean it just oozes domesticity!  MICHIGAN!  Why can't we go back to the day when millions of MMM rigs dotted our fruited plains, and people happily conversed via Morse Code using homemade transmitters?  Well we can.  And dammit we will, whether people like it or not!" 

Construction techniques will also be closely regulated, and the naming of these techniques has become an issue:  "We like the 'Manhattan' style of construction, but the name is too, well, too 'New York City.'  So we are re-naming the technique:  From now on it will be known as the 'Mississippi Technique.'  We also discovered that all of the Crazy Glue used in the Manhattan -- I mean Mississippi -- Technique comes from overseas.  So from now on, only good-old Elmer's Glue can be used.  MASA!" 

In a related move, the FCC announced that henceforth, only American Morse will be permitted in the United States. The use of International Morse Code will be banned, and masked ICE agents will destroy any equipment found to be using it.  "I mean, we invented it right?   So when did we go all 'woke globalist international'?  Enough of that."  It is hoped that this move will reduce the number of radio contacts with foreigners, something the FCC finds "highly woke suspicious."  "Americans should  be talking only to other Americans, right? "  An excecption seems to have been made for one country: contacts with Russia will be allowed to continue.  No explanation for this exception was provided.